Restraurant Watch 2006! Stop #1
Ruby Tuesday's
If you're looking for a lede to this restaurant review, let it be this: I can honestly say that eating at this Ruby Tuesday's has fully restored my will to live.
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The first thing you'll notice about Ruby Tuesday's is that it isn't the Outback Steakhouse. I know that I said Outback would be first, but I wanted lunch and the Outback isn't open until 4:00p. I had to go hunting for a new place. It was a long 75 feet to get to Ruby Tuesday's.
Gaze, gaze upon my work, ye mighty, and despair.
The inside could be described as the result of a three way head-on collision between a sporting-goods store, a comic book shop, and the opening credits of "Cheers." The place reeked of manufactured atmosphere and canola oil.
I had missed the lunch rush, so there were plenty of seats available. My server, Ryan, showed me to a mini-booth and gave me my first laminated menu of the tour.
It was extremely helpful, containing many vivid, colorful pictures of the dishes--I always appreciate that, as I don't like to tax my imagination trying to remember what a hamburger looks like. The descriptions were also useful, since they told me not only what was in the food but how I was supposed to feel about it. The appetizers were "Awesome Appetizers," while the steaks were "Savory Steaks."
My favorite menu item was "LuLu's Turkey Burger" which promised to be the best, juiciest turkey burger I'd ever eat. "Just ask LuLu!" Really? I can ask LuLu about her burger? Is LuLu here? Is she in the back? Well, bring her on out here! Tell her that her nephew Matthew's in town!
I ended up ordering the Hickory Chicken Sandwich on wheat, side of fries. I politely declined Ryan's offer of two sides for the price of one if I wanted to "kick it up." No, thank you. Not for me, sir. About four minutes later, Ryan apologized for taking so long and brought me this:
The main word I would use to describe this sandwich is...soft. The whole thing was just like a handful of cloud, but not a fluffy, happy cloud--more like a cloud made of Crisco. It tasted exactly like the barbeque sauce that it was coated in, though I know there were other ingredients in the sandwich. The fries followed the Chili's model of really giving the customer a high sodium value for their dollar. They sure taste good when you put them together with blood pressure medication, though. Mmm-mmm.
It was a quick meal, clocking in at about a half-hour. It seemed longer because of the two teenagers at the booth next to me who were grabbing lunch before cheerleading practice and talking (I shit you not) about Myspace.
Ryan's service was excellent. He did his multi-national parent corporation proud. Well done, sir.
Well done, indeed.
As for my will to live--when you're a hypochondriac like I am, you possess a very real fear that every meal you eat might be your last. Ending one's life with a stomach full of Ruby Tuesday's would be very much like having the last piece of music you ever hear be "Take On Me" by A-Ha. Tragedy of a Biblical scale.
I need to live, live for at least one more meal. Live!!!!
If you're looking for a lede to this restaurant review, let it be this: I can honestly say that eating at this Ruby Tuesday's has fully restored my will to live.
-----------------
The first thing you'll notice about Ruby Tuesday's is that it isn't the Outback Steakhouse. I know that I said Outback would be first, but I wanted lunch and the Outback isn't open until 4:00p. I had to go hunting for a new place. It was a long 75 feet to get to Ruby Tuesday's.
Gaze, gaze upon my work, ye mighty, and despair.
The inside could be described as the result of a three way head-on collision between a sporting-goods store, a comic book shop, and the opening credits of "Cheers." The place reeked of manufactured atmosphere and canola oil.
I had missed the lunch rush, so there were plenty of seats available. My server, Ryan, showed me to a mini-booth and gave me my first laminated menu of the tour.
It was extremely helpful, containing many vivid, colorful pictures of the dishes--I always appreciate that, as I don't like to tax my imagination trying to remember what a hamburger looks like. The descriptions were also useful, since they told me not only what was in the food but how I was supposed to feel about it. The appetizers were "Awesome Appetizers," while the steaks were "Savory Steaks."
My favorite menu item was "LuLu's Turkey Burger" which promised to be the best, juiciest turkey burger I'd ever eat. "Just ask LuLu!" Really? I can ask LuLu about her burger? Is LuLu here? Is she in the back? Well, bring her on out here! Tell her that her nephew Matthew's in town!
I ended up ordering the Hickory Chicken Sandwich on wheat, side of fries. I politely declined Ryan's offer of two sides for the price of one if I wanted to "kick it up." No, thank you. Not for me, sir. About four minutes later, Ryan apologized for taking so long and brought me this:
The main word I would use to describe this sandwich is...soft. The whole thing was just like a handful of cloud, but not a fluffy, happy cloud--more like a cloud made of Crisco. It tasted exactly like the barbeque sauce that it was coated in, though I know there were other ingredients in the sandwich. The fries followed the Chili's model of really giving the customer a high sodium value for their dollar. They sure taste good when you put them together with blood pressure medication, though. Mmm-mmm.
It was a quick meal, clocking in at about a half-hour. It seemed longer because of the two teenagers at the booth next to me who were grabbing lunch before cheerleading practice and talking (I shit you not) about Myspace.
Ryan's service was excellent. He did his multi-national parent corporation proud. Well done, sir.
Well done, indeed.
As for my will to live--when you're a hypochondriac like I am, you possess a very real fear that every meal you eat might be your last. Ending one's life with a stomach full of Ruby Tuesday's would be very much like having the last piece of music you ever hear be "Take On Me" by A-Ha. Tragedy of a Biblical scale.
I need to live, live for at least one more meal. Live!!!!
posted by Matthew at 1:26 PM
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