An Offer I Can Refuse
My brother showed me his newest Playstation game a few days ago, Godafther: The Game. I watched the intro, which featured the actual voice of Marlon Brando in what was probably his last performance. 
I saw two animated figures speaking with the voices of James Caan and Robert Duvall--there they were, doing a scene with each other as Sonny and Tom for the first time since 1972.
There was Fredo, there was Clamenza. Abe Vigoda showed up as Tessio. And this was just the first five or ten minutes.
I had two impulses and had to make choice as to which one to follow:
1)I could find the people responsible for this game and hunt them down, one by one, using the movie they defiled as a template to ruin their lives until they begged for an end to their pain.
Or
2)I could sit and play the game for 80 straight hours.
I don't mind telling you, it was close. Suffice it to say, the fuckers who did this to The Godfather are still walking the earth. And I can't seem to get past Enforcer.
The game is your basic Grand Theft Auto ripoff overlaid onto 1940's New York City. In the "story," you're a low-level mob thug who keeps running into important events from the first Godfather movie. You're there when Don Corleone gets shot, you're there when Clamenza offs Paulie, you leave the gun and take the cannoli. You're like an Italian Forrest Gump.
The map you're playing in is immense, with five neighborhoods all fully rendered. The idea is you're supposed to extort businesses, kill people, and work your way up to become the Don. The further you go in the game, the more money and power you accumulate, and you can afford the better weapons. Of course, if you don't want to use them you can always choke someone to death with your bare hands--and listen to their neck snap with a satisfying click.
The reason I'm stuck at enforcer is because it takes fifteen fingers to play. You have four buttons in front, eight on the pad, two omni-directional joysticks, and two triggers. Going upstairs is like trying to pilot the Enterprise. One wrong move and the camera angle starts spinning and suddenly in the middle of a gunfight you're staring at the back of your own head. It's a pain in the ass.
Since you're asking, the game's scariest feature is the clock which is on you at all times. It will tell you exactly how many hours, minutes, and seconds you've wasted playing. It forces you to see this information. It simply won't not tell you.
However, it is a lot of fun to play. Hand-eye workout, subconscious venting of aggression, whatever. You get to drive around and shoot people. You get to beat up innocent immigrant shopkeepers and rob their till. Even so, the experience is ruined every time you're reminded that this is the world of The Godfather.
Keep in mind here, Mario Puzo is dead and Francis Ford Coppola was firmly against the idea. There you have it--the two people who created The Godfather would not or could not participate. That should be enough to never make the game. But if you're going to have to make one, use the mob premise. Use the design, okay? But at least have the decency not to use the characters from the film.
This game sprays Brando and Caan and Duvall all over the place, spouting dialogue that Patrick Swayze wouldn't be caught delivering. Al Pacino, God bless him, turned them down. When you meet Michael Corleone, he doesn't look or sound anything like Michael Corleone.
I know, I know. Don't hate the game, hate the players. Those actors had a choice not to piss on the memory of their most acclaimed roles and they took the money instead. Blame them. And don't worry--I do. They're all on my list of people who no longer Deserve Respect (which is keeping all of them up at night, I know).
So there's nothing to be done. The game is out there. I've seen it and played it and want to keep playing it even though I know it's evil--evil in its conception and evil in its production (and you know, the bloody, ruthless depiction of mass murder isn't exactly God's work either).
My brother has been very sympathetic of my dilemma. He has offered me a loan to get me past this--his Playstation, the Godfather game, and MLB 2005. Apparently, he feels like I no longer need food or sleep to function. He's a good friend, isn't he?
I saw two animated figures speaking with the voices of James Caan and Robert Duvall--there they were, doing a scene with each other as Sonny and Tom for the first time since 1972.
There was Fredo, there was Clamenza. Abe Vigoda showed up as Tessio. And this was just the first five or ten minutes.I had two impulses and had to make choice as to which one to follow:
1)I could find the people responsible for this game and hunt them down, one by one, using the movie they defiled as a template to ruin their lives until they begged for an end to their pain.
Or
2)I could sit and play the game for 80 straight hours.
I don't mind telling you, it was close. Suffice it to say, the fuckers who did this to The Godfather are still walking the earth. And I can't seem to get past Enforcer.
The game is your basic Grand Theft Auto ripoff overlaid onto 1940's New York City. In the "story," you're a low-level mob thug who keeps running into important events from the first Godfather movie. You're there when Don Corleone gets shot, you're there when Clamenza offs Paulie, you leave the gun and take the cannoli. You're like an Italian Forrest Gump.
The map you're playing in is immense, with five neighborhoods all fully rendered. The idea is you're supposed to extort businesses, kill people, and work your way up to become the Don. The further you go in the game, the more money and power you accumulate, and you can afford the better weapons. Of course, if you don't want to use them you can always choke someone to death with your bare hands--and listen to their neck snap with a satisfying click.
The reason I'm stuck at enforcer is because it takes fifteen fingers to play. You have four buttons in front, eight on the pad, two omni-directional joysticks, and two triggers. Going upstairs is like trying to pilot the Enterprise. One wrong move and the camera angle starts spinning and suddenly in the middle of a gunfight you're staring at the back of your own head. It's a pain in the ass.
Since you're asking, the game's scariest feature is the clock which is on you at all times. It will tell you exactly how many hours, minutes, and seconds you've wasted playing. It forces you to see this information. It simply won't not tell you.
However, it is a lot of fun to play. Hand-eye workout, subconscious venting of aggression, whatever. You get to drive around and shoot people. You get to beat up innocent immigrant shopkeepers and rob their till. Even so, the experience is ruined every time you're reminded that this is the world of The Godfather.
Keep in mind here, Mario Puzo is dead and Francis Ford Coppola was firmly against the idea. There you have it--the two people who created The Godfather would not or could not participate. That should be enough to never make the game. But if you're going to have to make one, use the mob premise. Use the design, okay? But at least have the decency not to use the characters from the film.
This game sprays Brando and Caan and Duvall all over the place, spouting dialogue that Patrick Swayze wouldn't be caught delivering. Al Pacino, God bless him, turned them down. When you meet Michael Corleone, he doesn't look or sound anything like Michael Corleone.
I know, I know. Don't hate the game, hate the players. Those actors had a choice not to piss on the memory of their most acclaimed roles and they took the money instead. Blame them. And don't worry--I do. They're all on my list of people who no longer Deserve Respect (which is keeping all of them up at night, I know).
So there's nothing to be done. The game is out there. I've seen it and played it and want to keep playing it even though I know it's evil--evil in its conception and evil in its production (and you know, the bloody, ruthless depiction of mass murder isn't exactly God's work either).
My brother has been very sympathetic of my dilemma. He has offered me a loan to get me past this--his Playstation, the Godfather game, and MLB 2005. Apparently, he feels like I no longer need food or sleep to function. He's a good friend, isn't he?
posted by Matthew at 10:01 PM
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