Sorry In Advance
My brother has suggested another "Top 5" list: the Clock Tower Five. These are the songs that bury themselves in your brain so insidiously that, given enough time, they will send you to the top of the Clock Tower with a Mannlicher-Carcano rifle, three boxes of ammunition, and no intention of being taken alive.
No consensus number one, but here we go...
5. "Don't You Want Me" by Human League
This is one for my brother. Since the song first came out, he could stop me in my tracks merely by humming the first few bars. It would routinely take an average of four days to remove from my brain, usually with an icepick. And it's awful.
4. "Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer
I know that this is really "Superfreak" by Rick James, but for some reason only this version qualifies. It is a fact that I have never deliberately listened to "Can't Touch This" for any reason, yet I know every word. There is no earthly explanation why, so I am left to seriously consider the the possibility of alien abduction and experimentation. It's the only logical way this could have happened.
3. "Manamenah" by ???
I swear to God I have no idea who created this. You know, "Manamenah! Doo Doo Dee Dee Doo... Manamenah! Doo Dee Dee Doo..." It's a bioweapon sent to destroy us, one by one. Congratulations--it's your turn.
2. "Tequila" by the Champs
Horrible. Just horrible. Even thinking about it is turning the blood in my veins to ice. All I can say is that in the history of the world, nothing good ever happened to anybody while this song was playing.
And with the ignominious Number 1 slot....
"El Paso" by Marty Robbins
Just because the Grateful Dead covered it a lot doesn't make this any less evil. It's like a musical venereal disease. Herpes is easier to get rid of. Play it once and it simply will...not...go...away.
"Out in the west Texas town of El Paso..." Usually by the second line I've started self-inflicting pain to try and distract myself. The fact that this song is featured on every infomercial for every Time-Life music collection is the single reason that I don't own a gun.
So there you go. Feel free to add your own choices to the comments section. I hope you all appreciate the suffering that I've willingly undergone to bring you this list. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go brush my teeth with a cheese grater.
No consensus number one, but here we go...
5. "Don't You Want Me" by Human League
This is one for my brother. Since the song first came out, he could stop me in my tracks merely by humming the first few bars. It would routinely take an average of four days to remove from my brain, usually with an icepick. And it's awful.
4. "Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer
I know that this is really "Superfreak" by Rick James, but for some reason only this version qualifies. It is a fact that I have never deliberately listened to "Can't Touch This" for any reason, yet I know every word. There is no earthly explanation why, so I am left to seriously consider the the possibility of alien abduction and experimentation. It's the only logical way this could have happened.
3. "Manamenah" by ???
I swear to God I have no idea who created this. You know, "Manamenah! Doo Doo Dee Dee Doo... Manamenah! Doo Dee Dee Doo..." It's a bioweapon sent to destroy us, one by one. Congratulations--it's your turn.
2. "Tequila" by the Champs
Horrible. Just horrible. Even thinking about it is turning the blood in my veins to ice. All I can say is that in the history of the world, nothing good ever happened to anybody while this song was playing.
And with the ignominious Number 1 slot....
"El Paso" by Marty Robbins
Just because the Grateful Dead covered it a lot doesn't make this any less evil. It's like a musical venereal disease. Herpes is easier to get rid of. Play it once and it simply will...not...go...away.
"Out in the west Texas town of El Paso..." Usually by the second line I've started self-inflicting pain to try and distract myself. The fact that this song is featured on every infomercial for every Time-Life music collection is the single reason that I don't own a gun.
So there you go. Feel free to add your own choices to the comments section. I hope you all appreciate the suffering that I've willingly undergone to bring you this list. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go brush my teeth with a cheese grater.
posted by Matthew at 3:56 PM
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